I have always struggled in expressing my feelings in words. But this time I very much feel like expressing my feelings of Motherhood coz my heart is so full of love as it was never before. As rightly said by someone “I have been proud of many things in my life but nothing beats being a mother.”
I have never been fond of kids. So, I just wonder how such a tiny creature who has not yet even started speaking can give rise to an ocean of feelings within you. I wonder how her smile changes my whole mood, how I understand her every gesture, how can someone love you so unconditionally that all that matters to them is your love and attention.
Sometimes I just wish I had the power to stop the time coz I don’t want this time to pass. I don’t want her to grow up. I feel like cherishing this time forever. It just seems like a thing of yesterday that she came into my life and everyone said that she looks like me. Yes, she looks like me and is like me too and I feel so damn happy about it. It feels like seeing myself growing up in her. The way she cuddled me when she was born and recognised me at the very first glance made me feel like I felt never before.
There are secret codes between me and her which she knows only I would understand. As soon as she comes in my lap she just gives me her secret indication of what she needs. Sometimes, when I know she is making noise just to get my attention, I laugh at her and she laughs back as if I have caught her red handed. While doing mischievous activities, when I look into her eyes, she tries to escape the eye contact like a thief who is caught stealing. In the crowd, when she is astonished and is behaving like a serious good baby, she secretly gives me a toothless smile.
She has a “Mommy Antenna” on her head, which keeps on checking if her mommy is within the permitted distance. Whenever, I move out of that region, she starts looking for me for some time and then making hue and cry over the matter. Frankly speaking, I enjoy this feeling of being so important to this little creature. A feeling of being the most important person in someone’s life, like literally the most important person.
As I enjoy every stage of motherhood, her stages of growing up, I feel every stage has its own pleasures. Yes, it does come with responsibility. But the pleasure outshines every other feeling. The pleasure of seeing her smile in her dreams after waking up whole night, the pleasure when she starts jumping with joy when she sees me coming near her, the pleasure of holding her in my arms close to my heart, the pleasure to see her giggle, the pleasure when she says “ma ma” and the pleasure of pretending to sleep to make her sleep and my actually falling asleep in the process. I am thankful to my daughter for making me aware of this feeling of Motherhood which I never thought existed within me.
I write this blog, while I see her sleeping peacefully by my side, her fingers touching my hand to ensure that her mommy is there besides her. In her sub-conscious mind, she is content with the thought that mommy is besides her. I wish I can make her feel the same way throughout my life that no matter what the situation is her mother would be besides her through thick and thin as a friend, partner in crime, guide, advisor and most importantly as a mother.
-Rooprashi (Author of The Girl Who Saw It All)
PC: Anukampa Sharma (@astralrover_)
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Management Executive and blogger, Rooprashi is an individual brimming with stories. She is an HR Professional who works in GAIL (India) Ltd., a Maharatna Public-Sector Unit (PSU). Her debut book “The Girl Who Saw It All” has created waves across nation and is receiving great response from the readers all over India including Mr. Navjot Singh Sidhu and Mr. Satya Pal Jain (Additional Solicitor General Of India).The first prints were sold within two months of its launch and reviews are all filled with wonderful remarks. The book has received positive coverage from different media (newspapers, tv and radio). Know more about the book on Amazon